Stop giving in to the "no regrets" mindset. Regrets are a normal part of life. They help you grow and prevent you from repeating big mistakes. Instead of shunning regrets, learn to acknowledge them and deal with them properly.
Start with collecting a list of regrets from your own life. Take a few minutes to write them somewhere. (Again, don't try to convince yourself you don't have any.)
Use these core types of regret to jog your memory:
- Foundational: you regret doing "too much" of something that was good for your present self and "too little" of something that would've been good for your future self.
↳ Examples include drinking too much, not saving enough, not getting enough education. - Boldness: you regret not being bold enough to take a risk.
↳ Examples include asking someone out, starting a business, moving to a new place. - Moral: you regret doing something that went against your conscience.
↳ Examples include cheating on your partner, bullying someone, cheating on a test. - Connection: you regret a frayed relationship with a loved one (family, partner, or friend), either because you "drifted" apart or because there was a "rift" in between.
Jot down at least 10 regrets, picking specific moments if possible. The longer the list, the better. Then, assign each regret to one of the four buckets above.
When you're done, ask yourself which bucket has the most regrets. That reveals what you value the most: stability, growth, goodness, or love.
Also, notice how many of the regrets were actions (things you regret doing) versus inactions (things you regret not doing).
If you can undo any of the regrets, undo them. Reach out to the person you've lost touch with, if that door is still open. Apologize to the person you were unfair to. Take the risk you didn't in the past. You may find that it is easier to undo actions than inactions.
If you can't undo something, find an "at least". Write it down next to the regret. "But, at least I...".
The next time you do or don't do something that you regret, don't deal with it through inaction (burying it deep down) or feeling (throwing yourself in a downward spiral of pain). Rather, deal with it through thinking.
Some ways you can do this: write down the regret in detail, record a voice memo about it, or disclose it with a friend or therapist. Whatever you pick, do it for at least 15 minutes.
Each of these ways converts abstract feelings into concrete thoughts. Thinking is a great channel for dealing with regrets, because it helps you pin down what mistakes you made so you can learn from them.
Lastly, keep a "regrets log" for future reference. Anytime you're at a juncture between two big paths, go back to your log to see if you've been in a similar situation before, and which decision you regretted taking. If you don't have a precedent, look at what others that were in your shoes regretted doing. Ask family and friends, or try searching on Reddit (I've gotten great results with "Do you regret [something] reddit" on Google).
As much as possible, use regrets to fuel your growth.
These ideas are inspired by The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink. Please give it a read if you found this post interesting.
Written by Aryan Bhasin